The Love of Keeping Home

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Day Thieves

It was going to be a rough day...she knew that the night before as she crawled onto her soft floral sheets and into bed. She knew every social media outlet was going to be riddled with Happy Mother's Day gushes and rightly so. Who was she to feel disgruntled by every single mother being loved on and loving their babies. But she did. Her heart was sad nay broken and the simple thought of the sun rising into that Sunday morning sent inescapable despair through her veins. 

Morning came as it has been doing so for the last thirty three years. Although this was one felt different. Numb as usual, she awoke and regain her routine. Morning, coffee, devotion and quiet time. Next she walked the wolf around the block and quietly sobbed behind her sunglasses. She made the call and heard those three little voices. They read her cards they had made at school and wished her a Happy Mother's Day. Biting her lip while fighting back tears she accepted their warm thoughts and endearing I love you's. With her heart wrenching, she could feel the presence of God declaring today was not going to be one of those days. Those days spent locked in her room weeping without relent asking all those whys was not going to make it's appearance today.  

While outside tending to her flowers in the gardens and changing the sprinkler, the loving man who tends to her broken heart stood over the stove with much attention and attempt, prepared for them each a beautiful spring breakfast. Gratitude for his devotion and proper care nurturing her, she sat in the dining room with him by her side. 
All the while though the sun was shining through perfectly painted white fluffy clouds against a light blue backdrop, she sat back in the chair overwhelmed by thoughts of "this is going to be a rough day." Ping came from the next room. Opening the text message her eyes widened. Your brother will be here this afternoon with his family, it read. 

For the next passing hours until evening, God had refused this day to be spent in pain and everlasting sadness. Instead the afternoon was spent in laughter, gushing over the baby nephew, lost time spent with the brother and getting to know a new family member. She took a dozen pictures, reminisced over their childhood and laughed until her stomach hurt. 

That Sunday which had always been so very special had indeed been ripped away of it's joy and love. The ones from the mountain state who hide behind their facade built upon lies and deception have very much shredded her beating heart. But God refused to let them prevail this Sunday. This Sunday was in fact her day of rest.
  Thanks for reading with me~
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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Finally, a christian who believes in healthy relationships.

Is Emotional Abuse Grounds for Biblical Separation?

Posted on 9/9/2013 by Leslie Vernick
We tend to categorize things in black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, and biblical and unbiblical, but I think some things aren’t always so clear. James 3:2 tells us that we all stumble in many ways.
 There is no perfect marriage or perfect spouse. All marriages will experience hurt and heartache. But there are marriages that are more than disappointing or difficult, they are damaging and destructive.
As biblical counselors, we must be prepared to wisely counsel those who are in destructive marriages. Part of our preparation is to wrestle through whether or not we believe God’s word allows separation and, if so, when.
Among conservative Christians there seems to be some allowance for separation if a husband is beating his wife with his fists or she fears for her safety, but consistently little support if her husband is crushing her spirit or twisting her thinking with his words. One woman recently wrote me and said, “My pastor said emotional abuse is too fuzzy to allow for separation. Physical abuse would be clear, but emotional abuse isn’t.”
Yet, God’s word clearly has much to say in support of victims of verbal and emotional cruelty. (See my video on “What is Emotional Abuse” for Bible verses that support God’s care for the emotionally abused person.)
Research on those who have suffered with chronic emotional abuse show that it can be far more harmful to their long term health than physical abuse can be. In a 2011 study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health and by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, researchers found that our brain processes physical pain and intense social rejection in exactly the same way. The primary difference is that physical injuries usually heal. Wounds to one’s soul and spirit are longer lasting and often more damaging.
Therefore, as biblical counselors, why would we tell a woman or man who is being emotionally abused that they must stay in their marriage because being pummeled by words is not serious enough to justify a biblical separation. If this same person were being regularly pummeled by fists or stabbed by their spouse, most pastors and church leaders would not only allow for biblical separation, they’d advise it.
God’s word says it best, “Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18) and “Who can bear a crushed spirit?” (Proverbs 18:14). When someone is stabbed with a sword or knife, it leads to grave and often fatal injuries. The Bible says the impact of reckless words is like being stabbed and is just as injurious as physical abuse. Proverbs warns, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).
Is emotional abuse enough grounds for separation or even divorce? There seems to be some fuzziness on the meaning of covenant as well as the oft misquoted passage in Malachi 2 about divorce. Barbara Robert’s writes in her book Not Under Bondage, “God did not say “I hate divorce”, nor did he condemn all divorce. We should therefore stop using the slogan ‘God hates divorce’. If we still need a slogan, it would be better to say, ‘God hates treacherous divorce, but he does not hate disciplinary divorce’.”  In other words her extensive research shows that there are biblical grounds for divorce and one of them is abuse.[1]
Marital covenant has also been assumed to be a unilateral, one sided covenant but many Biblical scholars do not indicate this. For example, the Tyndale Bible Dictionary says, “The essence of covenant is to be found in a particular kind of relationship between persons. Mutual obligations characterize that kind of relationship. Thus a covenant relationship is not merely a mutual acquaintance but a commitment to responsibility and action. A key word in Scripture to describe that commitment is ‘faithfulness,’ acted out in a context of abiding friendship…To appreciate the many OT laws on marriage and divorce, one must understand that marriage itself was a covenant relationship. The solemn promises exchanged by a man and a woman became their covenant obligations. Faithfulness to those promises brought marital blessing (Psalm 128; Proverbs 18:22); violation brought a curse.”[2]
In another source, various types of covenants are explained. According to OT scholar J. Barton Payne, marriage is a parity covenant. A parity covenant is a contract between equal parties--an agreement entered into that includes promises to each other. Each party was expected to keep his or her promises and to be loyal to the covenant, but sometimes that didn’t happen. And when it didn’t, the covenant was broken; considered null and void. Severe consequences could follow one breaking his covenant agreement. That’s what God hated in Malachi, husbands breaking their covenant agreement for trivial reasons.[3]
Lastly, when is the line crossed? When is an abusive behavior biblical grounds for separation or even divorce? Most people would support chronic infidelity as biblical grounds for divorce, yet not all marriages that suffer infidelity should end in divorce. When there has been repentance sought and forgiveness granted, I have seen marriages healed and restored. That brings great joy and glory to God. Just because one has biblical grounds does not mean one should pursue separation or divorce.
Every person’s story is unique. Each person who has been grievously sinned against will need to wrestle with the impact that the abuse is having on his or her body, soul and spirit as well as on their children.
Therefore as biblical counselors, we need to help counselee’s pray and ask God two crucial questions:
1. Is it best for me and my children to leave or to stay? God does call us to be good stewards of our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual and financial health.  Therefore, evaluating what toll staying in this marriage is taking on your counselee and her children is a legitimate concern.  Sometimes staying at all costs is too high a price to pay.  
2. Is it best for my unrepentant and/or foolish spouse for me to leave or to stay? What is his greatest need right now and how can I meet it? Is it best for him to remain blind to his sin, unrepentant and unwilling to repair the damage he’s done? Or is it more loving to leave (or enact church discipline or tell someone) letting him know that you will no longer keep secrets or enable his sin against you to continue without consequence.
As we help our counselee’s grow and pray and trust God, we trust she makes her decision because she believes it is God’s will and this decision is the most loving thing she can do for herself, her children and her spouse.
Oswald Chambers writes: “To choose to suffer means there is something wrong; to choose God’s will even if it means suffering is a very different thing. No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God’s will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not.”
Whatever choice our counselee makes, whether she stays, whether she separates, or whether she divorces, we must help her be prepared for more suffering and grief ahead. Her decision will bring challenges and criticism for those who think she is making the wrong choice. Her choice will bring opportunities for growth as well as temptations to sin. Knowing that these stumbling blocks and stepping stones are ahead of her will keep her eyes open so that she can be more vigilant over her heart and mind.
Let’s equip our clients to choose God, not suffering, and we can be confident that he will instruct them and counsel them in the way they should go. (Psalm 32:8).

Thursday, December 26, 2013

They Call Her a Dreamer

"Since when is being a dreamer a bad thing?"  "Are they really using that against you?" Stumbling trying to understand such a notion, one asked "Wait...isn't being a dreamer a good thing?" Those are the very words they asked when she tells them what was said.
To be a dreamer certainly doesn't mean you are one living away from reality. Being a dreamer means you have heart and hope. Because without such...what then do we have?

It means you have imagination, spirit, hopes, aspirations, goals and desires.

But to the weak, timid, dead of heart and ones living in fear with regret, dreaming is viewed as escapism. They call me a dreamer not because of my writing or my ambition to search for something bigger, better or brighter but because they are afraid of what their lives may have become. Fear is immobilizing. Fear stops you in your tracks. Fear enables you from reaching for your goals. Fear takes you to a place of uncertainty and compliance. Uncertain of how to release ones self from the grasp of moving forward. To move ahead. To move toward something imaginable, thinkable and tangible.  

When your reality becomes the center of all your hopes and dreams lost, something magnificent can happen. You become a survivor of your own life. Without a moments notice, one begins dreaming of something different. Imagining sunsets unseen and landscapes not yet driven through. 

Living a life filled with regrets and should have's deepens one's desires for all the moments they wished they had back. My favorite poet Ann Dillard writes "How we spend our days is of course, how we live our lives." I never want to wake one morning wishing I would have lived the majority of my life different. Although we have little to no control over the many things this world throws at us, we do have control over our heart, desires and longings. My heart is my sounding place. 
Where I rest in peace within myself knowing I am responsible for my own emotional response and not responsible for another's actions. My desires pull me center bringing focus and clarity to the path of life in which I am reaching for. My longings place light on possible regret by enabling me to take my moments on this earth with full heart and not for granted. 
What happens when one dreams and imagines something new? Just ask Helen Keller, C.S. Lewis, Amadeus Mozart, Albert Einstein, Beatrix Potter, Susan Branch, Oscar Wilde, JRR Tolken, Jk Rowling, Stephen King, Vivaldi, Abraham Lincoln, Picasso, Martin Luther King, Ann Frank, Corrie Ten Boom, Steve Jobs, our Founding Fathers, Lewis and Clark, Christopher Columbus, Mario Puzo...just some of our history's amazing dreamers

People who mock trying to discredit dreamers are sad and dull of character. They once had dreams and goals for themselves, but fell victim of fear.
They lost themselves in the daily do's and fell from true and real reality. The reality of self reflection and discovery. What ever dreams, gifts and talents they once had have been stifled which eventually led to a shriveled heart of soul. You see them, their the men and women who's eyes are blank and any light once having shone is dimmed by their own darkness. Those with light in their soul frighten them. Because when they look at you, they see their reflection of what they could have been and achieved.

Self reflection is hard. When one really looks deep into the heart and feels their soul, discovery happens. Many people discover inequities within themselves. Those with a bloated self image cannot handle such notions. Their daily illusions of themselves become fogged by the reality of who they truly are. Their interpretation of what they project into the world is not actually truth. They often see themselves blameless, innocent and good but the truth is that those with light and discernment can see the deceit. Their truth is often ugly. And once they look into themselves, they have decisions to make. The first choice is to accept the truth of their failures and change or to become indignant to themselves by denying their faults. Furthermore projecting an even bigger bloated sense of self.

So...the next time someone tries to smother your dreams or dares to insult your ambitions by calling you a dreamer...stand tall and say Thank You, for dreaming of what could be is the beginning of something brilliant! Then turn on your heal declaring upon request for pie... Dream Whip Pie!

~ Thanks for reading with me!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

My Mother's Cell

                                                                   For Ashley and Dustin

     From a very young age, I always knew my mother resented my existence. Maybe it was because I cut her youth short, maybe I reminded her of the dark hours inflicted upon by him. Was it my green eyes and curvature of my nose?Or perhaps the responsibility for another life was too daunting for her. Especially when her own wounds were left raw, open and abandoned.

     Over the course of my childhood I had weekly reminders of her spite for me. As an adult myself, I treasured my freedom from her wicked wicked tongue and hateful piercing eyes. Having fled her wrath early on, I accepted the cold, hard feelings in which radiated from her and found my sanctuary. This I referred to as my refuge.

     Seasons came and went changing the agreements within my self once set by her bitter hate. Building trust guarded by walls, slowly I would allow her back onto my ever present wavering heart. Only to set stage for a pattern of forgiveness which lead down a path of sorrow. This resulted into emptiness that I filled with a new set of agreements such as unworthiness, ugliness and inability. I believed if I ran around her high throne, I could keep our peace. If I pranced around her feelings leaving mine beneath the dirt and keeping her happiness and wants at the for front, all would be well. If I told her what she wanted to hear set in the right tone, a day would pass with hope she loved me. If I hid my own values and beliefs, tucking them somewhere she was unable to find, and took on hers...a day would pass with hope she accepted me. Falling silent within myself meant her voice was always heard. 

     This is her playground. When the weak and timid trip into uncertainty, there she is. Standing above the broken down sucking in their soul. She out stretches her wiry arms lifting you out of your despair. Your trapped. Her musty breath whispers lies and deceit. Moments later, when she has you good and caught, she lashes out and tosses you to the very pit in which she seemingly rescued you from. 

     The winds of change are blowing yet again bringing forth a season of change. Having spent years overcoming her inability to love without condition based on her ideals and contempt, I am saying goodbye. Goodbye to the chapters reopened by the notion that I am responsible for her emotions. Saying goodbye to the grasp of guilt she has entangled me in. Goodbye to the betrayal. Saying goodbye to the pain. I have paid the price for her inequities and mistakes for far too long. She has never loved me as I once assumed a mother should. She has held our relationship by a pulling string in which she has had the ability to control.

     Adult women need their mothers. Mothers who desire to hold their daughter's hands and lift their heavy hearts from the turmoil in which this life can bring. Mothers who can stand strong against the currents when their beloved daughters are swept away. Mothers who encourage by their soft words rather than destroy by their condemnation and selfish wants.

     Moving beyond the years of betrayal is extremely difficult. Once the realization that she is not the image you had once created in your own mind has been replaced with truth and utter certainty, this process can begin. Your heart can heal and your mind can become freed from the clutter of her mess. I refer to this as my mother's cell.

     This relationship death has occurred before, only to have been reawakened by the belief that she is sincere.  With the knowledge that hope for healing is and always has been a mirage, I can rest assured my reality is based on her ever flowing river of deceit.

     Lift me from the waters onto land of dry peace. Heal my wounds and replace them with the warmth of those placed in my path. 

     I wrote this for those who struggle with mother daughter relationships. For those who weren't "blessed" with the ideal Mama Mia's! But for the brokenness that lies in the everyday of the lives left by tortured women who had children. Those very children who somehow survived their childhood and swore off the pain inflicted by the women who gave them life. This is for you. Because, I understand. Life can feel lonely and dark without the support nay presence of a mother, but life can be very rewarding and fulfilling with the support and presence of other adult daughters who have found refuge. 

                                                    ~Thanks for reading with me :)  


Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Monster Within the Self Proclaimed "Man of Peace"

Part One

She woke up to the ping of her cell phone. A new text. Standing in her bedroom hesitant to open the new message, with her heart beginning to race, she proceeded. There it was, the ever present growing laundry list of all that is wrong with her. The same boundless list she ran away from one year ago.

She's learning by the aide of counsel, family and friends, that she is indeed worthy. Worthy of love, acceptance and most importantly life. This laundry list was used by "The Man of Peace" as acknowledgement of her wrong doings. To remind her that he is everything good in a man while she is the epitome of all that is wrong with a woman. There are moments in time when she feels derailed by ''The Man of Peace" and his constant condemnation. Each sun that rises is a new opportunity for her to recover and heal. But then a darkness settles in on uncharted moments and she is whisked back to that dark, chilly spring night. The vivid memory engulfs her for that moment as she fights through the horrific memory. She can feel the boundless thumping combined with screaming and words of defamation as the sensation of fear fills within her. This is the past. Although still finding her, she refuses to allow this haunting imperil of suffrage to define who she is today. The decade of trying to find calm and happiness amid a life ruled by lies and hiding was coming to a screeching halt. She saw, that night, the monster within the self proclaimed Man of Peace.

 This is a reality that many women have been forced to feel should be their lives from the beginning of time. A reality that has stripped and robbed them of self worth, love and life. Leaving them with feelings of doubt, fear and hopelessness. Unfortunately such reality for these women did not originate simply from home and their self proclaimed man of peace. The belief system, that is so much instilled drilled upon women in many religious organizations, that women are responsible for their mate's happiness has in fact oppressed their rights as individual human beings. Beguiling women from assertiveness when found in negative and abusive situations. Many religious organizations directly inform you that everything in life is and should be dealt with as a heart matter issue. In other words, if you are in an abusive toxic relationship, you then are responsible to keep the peace and find a way to resolve the matter. These steps include: prayer and a meeting with the one who has inflicted disruption and discover peace through a series of forgiveness and moving onward. The problem with this notion is that the real issue lying at hand is never fully addressed. Ten times out of ten any advise from a neutral party has absolute no expertise or educated insight into the problem. The true issues are only skirted around to avoid any more onset of pain and infringement upon the relationship. Usually the one who has been hurt goes unheard because she is "emotional" and comes across as "not right with God."  Therefore allowing the abuser to ride high on the self righteous moral high ground through his calm and collected cool self.  Case in point...this was/is me who is the above she.

Being told that your feelings are not valid is never healthy nor is it right. This is usually inflicted when the one you are sharing your feelings to feels uncomfortable. Perhaps it is awakening their own hurt and pain or it is upsetting the "false" front they are perpetuating to the same circle you had been.

                                                            Breaking the Mold

Several years ago, I remember asking a highly respected woman if I could have a heart to heart and discuss some issues I had presently going on in my life. I was a new stay at home mother. I had just finished working my last week at a job I loved for five years. I knew those friendships would fizzle out since they were mere great work acquaintances. Therefore, I was looking for advise on how to be stay at home mom while still feeling fulfilled. (Women who have worked while raising children understand this emotion). She greeted me warmly at the door, made a pot of coffee and offered before me a beautiful plate arranged with delicious banana bread. We took our coffee and bread to her sun room and began our little heart to heart. After the common niceties, I began opening up about my concerns with my husband. Unfortunately I was not aware of the current relationship between his parents and she. Once I had carefully divulged some pain she immediately shot me down. I was told that I needed to take better care of my husband because he came from a wonderful family. She proceeded to express that his lack of regard for my feelings was my fault, because I had not yet read "The Power of a Prayerful Wife". She finalized her scolding with me by pointing out that perhaps I needed friends who could demonstrate to me what a wife should look like and that if my husband seemed not interested in me physically, mentally or emotionally than I ought to discover ways to embrace this as a blessing. Because as I quote "he is your blessing from God."

I was twenty four at this time. I was alone in a city which was filled with strangers and my then husband. I felt alone and scared. Leaving her house that afternoon was a monumental point in my life. I left her home feeling inadequate. It was that day I learned how to carry all the burdens of my then husband's issues and replace my own emotions with feelings with feelings of guilt and shame. Guilt that all of his problems are indeed my fault and responsibility. Shame that I was not a worthy and or better Christian wife/woman/mother. Shame on me.

From that moment on I bought and read every Christian self help book on the shelves. I plugged in to any and every bible study known to man, got a part time job at the church and read my bible everyday in hope to discover anything that could lead me to be a better wife. I believed that my self worth was based upon my response system. "Never be seen with my feathers ruffled".  My home life was a mess but I made damn sure the outside was impeccable. Along the way I discovered the instant satisfaction of shopping. I felt incredibly ugly and worthless inside but the clothes masked that emotional pain.  Because I was ignored, neglected and abused at home, I found instant gratification through the thrill of shopping. I had a void that could fill the universe in my heart. A void that was only growing bigger. I delve into making my home and children happy. I had a yearning for women my age to be and feel the best they could. I was a leader of a birthday club I'd started with a friends. I used this birthday club as a means to express the importance of family and love for yourself. Meanwhile never uttering a word as to the reality of my life within the walls of 3527 Poly Drive.

I had many secrets hidden inside those walls. Each Sunday I'd awake early and prepare the children for Sunday school and church. The four of us would leave with "the self proclaimed man of peace" sleeping off his hangover. His parents (unfortunately) attended the same church. Each Sunday they would grill me on the where-abouts of their perfect son. I would lie and deny until they dropped the subject. "He's tired from working all week", "He's feeling sick this morning", or "He's working"...were the common responses to their questions meanwhile I'd stand there in the hall thinking he's at home passed out from the night before. But go ahead and ignore the obvious you hypocritical assholes, heaven forbid your friends find out the truth about your real family drama.
These people should where a medal for recognition as "Best Enablers in America" or "How to Raise a Narcissist Predator".

To be continued :)

Monday, December 24, 2012

Having a Norman Rockwell Christmas


                                 How to Have a
                     ~ Norman Rockwell Christmas ~
Peace and Joy be with you! One of my favorite greetings. click here for music! youtube michael bubleThe world interprets having a sense of peace as all things well. The house is quiet, the children are getting along, the bills are met and paid, the car sitting in the drive is running, your relationships are happy and healthy, the city streets are friendly and crime free, the nations are at one and all is well. 

                    Luke 2:14
                   Glory to God in the highest & on earth peace, good will toward men.
This Christmas season may be one of delicacy for many. Times have been burdonsome, hearts have been heavy, lives have been scrambled into several directions. Life on this earth can be tiresome, lonely, sad and aching. But our God promises, that although amist these hardships and trials faced each day, we can experience a strong sense of Peace. Peace that God is sovereign in His love. He has given us the gift of Jesus's blood shed on the cross so that we may have an eternal home in heaven. That even though life here is painful we can rest in the palms of God's guidance and His assurance to us that we are His and He is ours. Jesus is our friend. He wants to be our friend. He is only waiting. Each morning when we rise, in the afternoon when we feel tired and weary and in the evening when our hope feels faint. He is waiting.

The Peace provided is a gift. A gift that was paid for each of us. Having the peace provided by the comfort & reassurance that we are never alone. Unlike the peace promised by the world we share and live in, God's peace is debt free. There is no interest accruing, no sum to be paid by our childrens' children. This peace was paid in full by God for you and me. Only to leave us with the blessings we can choose to unwrap each moment of our God given days. "How we spend our days is of course how live our lives." Ann Dillard

So then, how does one unwrap and unfold these little things turned moments in our lives this magical holiday season?
Well, I for one love the "magic" part of the season. "Christmas without children simply isn't Christmas." They provide the magic. The anticipation of Santa that coming cold snowy morning.
                            How once we were the ones awaiting Old Saint Nick.

                 Then we become Old Saint Nick's elves...busy and bustling Santa's gifts

            and someday we will ultimitely become Santa himself...for the children.

                                                        Where does the time go?? :)

 Okay here are some of my favorite Christmas things. Maybe you can impliment them into your own holiday tradition (: Very Norman Rockwell-y.

                                                       Beautiful Christmas Tree

            Decking the halls...I love love love natural woodsy. Glitter is great & beautiful but I 
                                                 just love olde world and simplicity (:
~lights, lights, lights. Lots and lots of candles! Makes the house so warmy and romantic.
~Play Christmas music...the boys like Frank, Bing, Dean & Nat and the new kid Michael
~Dress your table ladies!! You simply cannot have dinner on a bare and boring table.
~Arrange pictures of your family and loved ones through out your home.
~Hang your mistle toe. I managed to sell all but one in my shop this season. I'm happy
   those who purchased them will enjoy all the kisses and love now! (:
~Tie a bell to a satin ribbon on your furry friend. Your pet needs to be festive!

"Children need Christmas trees, and not artificial ones either. The artificial ones have no fragrance and some of them play tunes, which is dreadful to think of." ~Gladys Taber

                                  When baking Christmas cookies it's essential to
                                   drink champagne and listen to Christmas music.
                                              Just drink want the
                                                        cookies to turn out! 
                                 This is something that goes way back in the family
                                       history book. My great grandma Kate and
                                        great grandfather Vincentio began in the
                                          1930's while baking there famous cookies
                                     in there Italian restaurant when they first married.

                                           My grandma took on this "responsibility"
                                     whole heartedly each season with my mother
                                  and aunt by her side. Growing up I spent many evenings
                               along my own mother's side helping her bake these decedant
                                                                 Italian cookies.

                                           My children are what bring the magic to the season.
                                 The anticipation Christmas Eve night, lying in bed listening
                             for any inclination of the big fat guy on the roof. Wondering how
                          he will like the cookies that were perfectly layed out on the special
                       Santa plate, used each year. Hoping the letters arrived to the North Pole
                     kept from being lost in the mail. ~~ One year I ran around the house outside
                                      with jingle bells chiming. This part is of Christmas
                                            is so special and it's even fun for the adults.

Each year since I was 20 years old (that was a long time ago) I have collected beautiful Christmas villiage houses and people. I think this is the best decoration in the house to my children. Because even if there is not any snow on the ground Christmas day we can look at the villiage lit up with soft lights and people in the widows and imagine that's what it looks like the real outside :)

"Christmas wont be Christmas without any presents" Louisa May Alcott

                It's absolutely crucial I watch Little Women, Miracle on 34th Street ( the 40's
                version), Elf, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and Charlie Brown Christmas.
             Because I couldn't imagine the Holiday season without these classics!

                                         Make your home smell warm and welcoming.
           Simmer 2 cups of water with cloves, orange slices & cinnamon.
                                             This will make your home smell wonderful! 
                                And it will get you in the mood to bake those holiday treats.

"Many Merry Christmases, friendships,
                                                        great accumulation
                                                                                     cheerful recollection,
                                                                              affection on Earth,
                                                                     and Heaven at last for all of us."
                                                                                        ~ Charles Dickens

                                                           Merry Christmas friends!

Friday, August 10, 2012

The fields reflect the farmer's spring efforts.
Their dedication lay wake upon the warm summer's sun.
She passes these flat portions of land.
Wind rows pull at her. She remembers bailing the alfalfa into hay bails as a child.
She remembers the long sultry afternoons pent up in the tractor.
A lifetime ago.

Her 4x4 continues along the long straight path made of hills and windmills.
To the right rests the small town in which she shares so many memories.
Ahead lies her roots.

 The mound of trees calls her.
There, the swing set once set. To the right was the willow tree she'd spend her late afternoons in.
Below is the hill she'd escape to. Lost in the sage. Time ago.

Today she is lost in time. Is it then she finds solace? Is it those memories that hold her down?
Is this the foundation in which she longs to solidify?
This the basis of her life?
These memories the root in which takes hold of her tomorrow?
The wakes break against the sides of the rocks.

Passing through the collage of trees and shrubbery, she sets her sights ahead.
She crosses the ever familiar river with it's boats and jet skiis.
The tan bridge takes her across as she loses herself in floods of thoughts.
The wakes brake against the steep rocks.

The valley's dawn breaks. She can see the skyline from the ridge.
The exit takes her through the sad of society. The sick, the hungry, the ridden.
Her 4x4 makes a right onto the hill. Across the bridge she heads along the straight.
Where is she going? Where is she headed? Is this destination of her sunrise? The sun that shall set in her skies morning? There the sunrise stood. With that smile. With that debonair expression. That stance. Those eyes. The tension overlooked. The lust between the sweet, seductive passing glances. He grabs her in his dark strong arms. The heat from within intoxifies her. She becomes the epitome of what could be. She this woman of sad. Now a woman of worth.

What does it all mean? Is this the feeling she is meant to embrace? She asks herself if she deserves these holes in his words. Are they true? This amazing it too much? Or is this reality of kindness and sincerity? Qualities yet not known. Falling down.

She's carried through the dark. She's left with her thoughts. She's never going home.
Home with it's meaning. Home with it's opinions and obligations.
Say good bye. Don't follow. Her misery so hollow. Thanks Layne.

Thanks for reading with me :)