Confessions of a clothes~a~holic
With Spring around the corner, what do you do with all the stuff stacked high in all your corners?
I look around this old Tudor house. The living room and dining room floors stripped and awaiting the new wood. Our five years stacked, piled and stuffed into the small narrow sitting room. Only a small little trail made that leads to the downstairs. This because we can't have anything in the living and dining room.
Maybe it's just the nature of "spring fever" or the fact that our house is completely ripped up right now. But, what ever it is I am having difficulty controlling the urge to throw everything out. Away, gone, goodbye.
But when I'm about to begin, nostalgia takes hold.
I sort of begin a moment of panic. I think, what am I going to do with out this stuff? I've looked at this much of this stuff for so long, how then could I live with out it? How could I enter into these rooms without seeing these things and be okay?
Sounds stupid right? Really stupid. Well sometimes, I feel this way. I know, I know, I know I can't take a single thing with me when I leave this earth not even my favorite pair of flats. But I think I have become obsessively too attached to this stuff. To my stuff.
Then I have to ask myself this question: "Am I allowing this stuff to help define who I am?" Am I the same or can I be the same without any of this? I mean, of course I am the same person. I'm just really trying to be real about my emotions with this. For example I should be getting compensated significantly for the amount of representation I give to J.Crew and Banana Republic. Seriously!
I look at my closet and see more clothes than an average wife and mother of three should have. Especially, especially one who doesn't go to a "job" on a daily basis. (I do have a job mind you, but it's more of an entrepreneur and business owner kind of one) anyway, I see my excessive amount of clothes, shoes, scarves, blouses, shirts, sweaters, t's, tanks, leggings, jeggings, jeans, skinny's, wide leg, trouser, capri's, and on and on and on.
You know what I think as I look into the closet...."I love clothes, and I feel like going shopping!"
Hopeless am I.
I love to color coordinate as well. Rows of white, beige, cream, brown, light brown, dark brown, black, grey, blue, light blue, dark blue, florals, purple, fushia, lavender, plum, burgundy, red...you get the idea.
Am I happy...yes, I am now :)
sigh. When I was a teenager, it was just my dad and I for many years. Dad would take me to Northgate Mall periodically when we were on the coast visiting family and friends. I remember walking into Nordstroms and having this like overwhelming sense of energy surging through me. My dad was THE BEST. He had amazing patience! We'd brouse the shops and enjoy just being together. I'd say "daddy, I really like this top, what do you think? Can I get it." I his only child would hear " sure sweetheart, what ever you want." This totally fueled my fire. Fire for shopping. Sweet words of music made songs in my heart!!
We'd drive home with bags tucked perfectly safe in the back seat of dad's Dodge. Once home, I'd go directly to my room, sit on my bed and look at my new things. I really hope I don't lose friends over this post...those who read it (if there are any). I'm really not shallow or materialistic, at least I don't think so. I just have a love relationship with beautiful things. My children are beautiful and I love them... so you see, it's okay...right? another long sigh.
You know what I've gotten in the habit of doing? Each season, I sort my clothes and give away the ones I don't like anymore. Than I shop for new ones...you know, to fill their place in the closet. Heaven for bid there be empty space. FILL IT! You see, I have been justifying my "more" shopping with this concept. But I'm now realizing it's sort of counter-productive.
to be continued. Thanks for reading with me :)
