Where do I belong?

Am I missing the boat? Am I doing

what He desires? Am I spending

my time and all the day given moments

right? Am I going to 

wake up one day and feel

as though this short 

life He gave has been a dream?

Just wasted, focused on all that doesn't matter?

I am thankful for His guiding words

carefully en scripted

cautioning us to use this day, today, wisely.

To not waste thoughts and energy on tomorrow.

Thankful am I that you hold

me in your care.

But while my mind knows this and truly

tries to hold them to my heart...

...sometimes it is difficult to make my heart connect.

Where am I supposed to be?

With a small family in various directions

living their own lives, remaining connected

finds impossible. Or so it seems.

I don't want to take them for granted. Knowing they are there but to understand tomorrow they may not. We don't know when He 

may take us from this Earth.

We don't know what each day ahead may bring or holds.

So to His promises I go. There, I dwell and find rest.

With eyes wide open and my heart

willing to see and learn, I search my days

for His expression.

I think of my loved ones. How am I benefiting them this day?

Am I crabby and concerned with appearance? Am I short and ill tempered when it becomes noisy and chaotic?

Or am I slow to anger and quick to listen?

Am I happy to have the ingredients to make a delicious meal or am I irritable and feeling over run and lazy, grumbling over stove? Am I thankful to have beautiful dishes to serve each meal on or am I disgruntled as I stand over the sink and wash each plate?

I remember when we didn't have very much money.  I remember scrubbing wealthy women's floors and bathrooms to make our ends meet as my husband busted his chops in graduate school. All the while he held down a 40+ hour a week laboring job. I remember having to choose between a few groceries or gas for the car. I remember choosing groceries and having to ride my bike to the store in the rain. I remember making one chicken breast stretch to feed a family of five. I remember my husband and I going to bed hungry so our children wouldn't. I remember using candles rather than lights to brighten the corners of our home because every penny counted in crucial ways.

I remember memorizing Philippians 4:11

Paul wrote: "I know what it is to be in need, I know what it is to be content. Whether well fed or hungry whether living in want or having plenty, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength."

I know God chose this generation for me to live in.

I recognize he chose this generation for my children to grow up in. Knowing he will equip me for the challenges I face, gives me the hope and encouragement needed for such heavy tasks.

I am so amazed he gave me this little family to take care of.

I am so thankful he is but a prayer away when

I am weak and weary.

If you find yourself in a less than glamorous state of life at this moment right now, have faith and remain light heart-ed.

There is a time for everything. Our paths are laid out and our creator knows each step of the way. Why wonder around in the dark stumbling and falling when a light supplied by Him can direct and lead you to the right place?

So where is then do we belong? I guess I am still trying to come to that conclusion. I look to my right and 

I see my husband whom I love and admire dearly. 

I want to make him happy and put his needs above mine. 

I look to the left and see my children. 

I want to raise them to be respectable, sensitive, empathetic people of society who appreciate and value 

Christian values and put their trust in God. 

I reflect on my friends with great esteem and desire to be there for them and aspire to give more and take less. 

We all have some amazing talents and personality attributes.

These should not be wasted.

Am I using such to help or benefit others?

Or am I just keeping them bottled and untouched?

I want to be a vine that produces fruit of His Spirit. 

I want to be useful and productive.

~Fruit of the Spirit~
Love 
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
and 
Self Control

My most frequent prayer is that someday I don't look back on my life and say " I wish I would have made more of an effort to do more."


Wishing you all a wonderful night!